It has been over five years since I posted on this blog site, not because nothing has been going on, but because so much has been going on. There has been a huge explosion in ways to communicate through groups dedicated to artists, and sometimes it feels like keeping up with all that takes time away from the art itself. I haven't been sure that anyone really looks at blogs these days, but have come to realize that it doesn't matter. I can write what is true for me and that's enough.
I have been immersed in some watercolor classes over the past couple of years and have taken a sketchbook class. I think some of the fundamental skills have progressed during this time, but I haven't taken much of a leap into expression.
Of course art doesn't exist in a vacuum, the artist reflects what is going on in their subconscious attempt to make sense of the world around them--either to provide provocative images that stimulate thinking and increase understanding, or to catalogue daily life, or to bring serenity and beauty as respite for all the chaos. They try to express what they feel about a situation, to bring their own point of view to their rendering of an object or a scene.
I have been engaged in a deep dive to learn about racism and how to be an anti-racist. This is a slow and sometimes painful process as I learn about historical events that I wasn't aware of and try to make connections with people I haven't interacted with before. I feel awkward and not in control. I get that the need to feel in control of my own outcomes is a product of my whiteness, but I still have a hard time letting go of it. And it pops up in unexpected ways.
Letting go of my need to be in charge (even of my own daily schedule) is an experiment in faith. Rather than asking myself "What do I need to get done today?", I can ask myself "What loving actions can I take today?", "What is Love (Spirit, God, Creator) asking from me today?" As the Quaker query goes, "What does Love require?"
OK, so back to art...a year or two ago, I began a painting of the Nevada County Courthouse, a beautiful old stone building. There were technical challenges doing watercolor on waterboard, as the paint lifts off super easily. I noticed that there was something missing in the composition. At the same time, I began asking myself, "What is it that draws me to this settler architecture? Painting these kinds of buildings glamorizes and memorializes a way of life that I don't want to lift up." So I began researching Nisenan (the Native people who lived on this land and who still live in the area) artifacts and decided to superimpose a drawing of one of their beautiful baskets on the painting. I thought maybe I'd contact their tribal leader about gifting it to them, which is pretty arrogant, but at least I have met her.
For awhile now I have been stuck on how to complete this piece. And lo and behold... Every time I get sort of "woke" about something and am ready to take action, I find that this is old news for others, and that the action I want to take isn't the one that is needed by the people affected by it.
It turns out that the Nisenan have for years now had an annual art project where Native and non-Native artists collaborate. Their website says: "This is not a simple journey, artists were asked to engage in deep listening to the stories and history shared with them by the Tribal Members, Tribal Council and Nisenan Elders. Together each artist collaborated individually with Tribal Members on their art pieces to create respectful and reflective works. Creating artworks that reflect the Nisenan people, Culture, and history is another way to preserve and bring visibility to the Nevada City Rancheria Nisenan"
In other words, I haven't done the groundwork to complete this project, and working on it on my own does not respect the wishes of the Nisenan. I had thought that my original intention was respectful, but I now see that Love requires me to build relationships, listen to the stories and history, and then see if a Native artist wants to be a guide or work with me to finish it up. If not, it has been good practice.
